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The Lazy Girl's Guide To Weird Witchcraft Facts That Actually Make Sense

  • Writer: Wendy H.
    Wendy H.
  • Jan 24
  • 12 min read




I'm obsessed with witch history. I listen to podcasts, I scour eBay for vintage witchcraft books, I love reading about folk magic and the superstitions people held about witches in their time.


But here's the thing: most "witchcraft history" content is either overly romanticized nonsense, dry academic writing that puts you to sleep, or gatekeepy bullshit about "ancient traditions" that were invented in the 1950s.


So I thought it would be fun to put together the ten most interesting witch facts - the real, documented, weird-as-hell historical practices with actual sources (not just vibes) - and try to explain what was actually happening: psychology, nervous system regulation, and humans trying to cope with having zero control over their lives.


No over-the-top mysticism. No fluff. Just history + science + the occasional "wait, WHAT?"

Ready? Let's go.


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1. PEOPLE BURIED BOTTLES OF THEIR OWN PISS TO FIGHT WITCHES


What actually happened:

From the 1600s through the 1800s, if you thought a witch cursed you, here's what you'd do: collect your urine in a bottle, add bent pins, iron nails, hair clippings, and fingernail parings, seal it up, and bury it under your fireplace.


Sometimes you'd heat the bottle. Sometimes you'd just bury it and walk away.


The idea? The witch had created a "magical link" to you through your bodily fluids. By trapping your urine (with sharp objects inside), you'd cause the witch physical pain - specifically, a urinary tract infection from hell - forcing them to break the curse or die trying.


Why this is bonkers:

In 2004, archaeologists found a sealed witch bottle in Greenwich that had been buried for 300+ years. They opened it (bad idea) and analyzed the contents.


Confirmed: it was actually urine. Along with 12 iron nails, 8 brass pins, human hair, fingernail clippings, and what looked like belly button lint.


People were really committed to this.


What was actually happening (the psychology part):

You're terrified. Someone cursed you. You're sick, your crops are failing, your life is falling apart, and you have absolutely zero control.


So you do something. You create a physical ritual that proves you're taking action. You're not just lying there accepting your fate - you're fighting back with nails and piss and sheer determination.


Does it work? Irrelevant. It works psychologically, which is the whole point. Your nervous system needed proof that you weren't helpless. Now you have it.



Read more:


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2. "FLYING OINTMENT" WAS JUST HALLUCINOGENIC SALVE (AND YES, IT INVOLVED BROOMSTICKS)


What actually happened:

Historical witch trial records document that accused "witches" used ointments made from belladonna (deadly nightshade), henbane, mandrake, and hemlock - plants containing tropane alkaloids like atropine, scopolamine, and hyoscyamine.

These compounds cause intense hallucinations, out-of-body sensations, memory disruption, and - if you use enough - death.

The ointment was applied to skin, particularly mucous membranes (yes, those mucous membranes), often using a broomstick as an... applicator.


That's why witches "flew" on broomsticks.


Why this is bonkers:

This isn't myth. These alkaloids are real drugs that can actually be absorbed through skin - especially in sensitive areas. And they genuinely cause the sensation of flying, floating, and leaving your body.


But here's the thing: these aren't fun "trippy" hallucinations like mushrooms. They're deliriant hallucinations that feel completely real, last for days, and are often terrifying. You might genuinely believe you flew to a sabbath and danced with the devil because your brain was so scrambled it couldn't tell reality from hallucination.


Also, the same compounds are still used in modern medicine. Atropine dilates your pupils during eye exams and treats slow heart rate. Scopolamine treats motion sickness and post-surgery nausea.


What was actually happening (the pharmacology part):

People didn't have Ambien. They had extremely dangerous plants that, when used correctly (big if), could induce altered states of consciousness.


Some people used them for spiritual experiences. Some people accidentally poisoned themselves. Some people genuinely thought they were flying because scopolamine makes your brain do weird shit.


This isn't mystical. It's just very dangerous pharmacology that sometimes worked and sometimes killed you.


Read more:


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3. "CUNNING FOLK" WERE PROFESSIONAL WITCHES WHO CHARGED FOR THEIR SERVICES (AND DIDN'T GET BURNED)


What actually happened:

From the medieval period through the early 1900s, "cunning folk" (also called "wise people," "white witches," or "pellars") were professional magical practitioners who charged money for:


  • Breaking curses

  • Finding lost or stolen property

  • Love spells

  • Healing

  • Identifying witches

  • Fortune-telling

  • Basically anything you'd now hire a therapist, private investigator, or life coach for


They were respected community members. They had regular jobs (farmer, tradesperson) and did magic as a side business. They were tolerated by authorities and used by all social classes, from farm laborers to wealthy landowners.


Why this is bonkers:

During the witch hunts, cunning folk were not the ones being burned. They were the ones you hired to protect you FROM witches.


The people accused of witchcraft? Usually marginalized women, social outcasts, or people who pissed off their neighbors. Not the professional magical practitioners who everyone knew and paid.


Cunning folk were the respectable, business-owning witches. They advertised their services. They had reputations to maintain. They got paid.


What was actually happening (the economics part):

Cunning folk provided services that people desperately needed: help processing fear, making decisions, finding meaning in chaos, and feeling like they had some control over their lives.


Sound familiar? That's therapy. That's coaching. That's what modern "intuitive guides" and tarot readers do.


Your ancestors weren't being mystical. They were running businesses that met real psychological needs in their communities.


The modern myth that "real witches don't charge money" is complete bullshit. Historical magical practitioners absolutely charged - and weren't shamed for it.


Read more:


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4. THE WORD "COVEN" COMES FROM ONE WEIRD SCOTTISH CASE IN 1662


What actually happened:

The word "coven" to describe a group of witches comes from a single, incredibly atypical witch trial in Scotland: the case of Isobel Gowdie in 1662.


Before this case, historical "witches" were typically isolated, anti-social figures who worked alone. The idea of witches meeting in organized groups, holding sabbats, and practicing together? That's mostly a modern invention popularized by scholars, writers, and later, Gerald Gardner and Wicca.


Why this is bonkers:

Most historical witchcraft was practiced by lone individuals, not covens. The image of witches gathering for group rituals largely comes from:

  1. Christian propaganda and demonologists' fever dreams

  2. Torture-induced "confessions" during witch trials

  3. One sensational Scottish case that scholars latched onto

  4. 20th-century witchcraft revival movements that wanted witchcraft to look more organized and legitimate


The word "coven" wasn't even popular in Scotland - it's just the one that stuck because it sounded cool and witchy.


What was actually happening (the social isolation part):

Historical "witches" (the accused ones, not cunning folk) were usually marginalized people - poor, elderly, disabled, widowed, or just weird. They didn't have covens because they were outcasts.


The cunning folk (professional magic workers) also typically worked alone. They were competitors, not colleagues. You didn't form a coven with the other magical practitioners in town - you were running competing businesses.


If you practice alone and feel like you're "doing it wrong" because you don't have a coven, congratulations: you're actually more historically accurate than the group practitioners.


Read more:

  • Wiccan Rede: Cunning folk

  • Ronald Hutton's research on historical witchcraft

  • The case of Isobel Gowdie (1662)


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5. "SIN-EATERS" WERE PAID TO LITERALLY EAT SOMEONE'S SINS AT FUNERALS


What actually happened:

From the 17th-19th centuries in Wales, England, and Scotland, families would hire a "sin-eater" to come to a funeral. Bread and salt (or beer) would be placed on the deceased person's chest. The sin-eater would consume it - literally eating the dead person's sins to absolve their soul and prevent them from becoming a restless ghost.


Payment? A groat (equivalent to a few dollars today).


The sin-eater would typically sit facing the door (never looking directly at the corpse), eat the bread, drink the beer, and say something like:

"I give easement and rest now to thee, dear man, that ye walk not down the lanes or in our meadows. And for thy peace I pawn my own soul. Amen."


Then they'd be chased away by the mourners because they now carried the deceased's sins.


Why this is bonkers:

The last documented sin-eater - Richard Munslow - died in 1906. Not the 1600s. 1906.

He wasn't even a desperate outcast. He was a wealthy, respected farmer who allegedly started sin-eating after losing three of his children to scarlet fever in one week in 1870.

Most sin-eaters were desperately poor and became complete social pariahs. They carried the sins of entire communities and were shunned - people wouldn't even look them in the eye.


Some communities had sin-eaters still operating into the 1920s.


What was actually happening (the grief management part):

When someone died suddenly without confessing their sins (suicide, accident, sudden illness), families were terrified the soul would be trapped, unable to move on, forced to wander as a ghost.


Having someone physically "take on" those sins gave families tangible proof they'd done everything possible to help their loved one's soul. It externalized the guilt and provided a ritual endpoint to grief.


Read more:


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6. WITCHES SOLD WIND TO SAILORS (AND IT WAS A REAL, DOCUMENTED BUSINESS)


What actually happened:

From the 13th century through the early 1900s, "wind witches" in Finland, Lapland, Scotland, Isle of Man, and coastal England sold knotted ropes to sailors.


The process: The witch would climb to a mountaintop on a windy day and tie three knots in a rope or thread, "binding" different wind strengths into each knot. They'd sell the rope to sailors for actual money.


Instructions: Untie one knot for a gentle breeze, two knots for strong wind, three knots for a storm.


Why this is bonkers:

This wasn't just folklore. It was documented, commercial exchange.

In 1998 (yes, 1998), a sailor whose boat was becalmed off the coast of Cornwall approached the Museum of Witchcraft in Boscastle and asked to "buy the wind."


The museum director tied three knots in a rope, sold it to the sailor, and the sailor tied it to the mast. The boat sailed the next morning.


This is documented with a photograph at the museum.


Historical documentation:

  • 1350: Polychronicon by Ranulph Higden documented Isle of Man witches selling wind to sailors

  • 1767: A Lapland witch was hanged after sailors who bought her wind knots died in a storm at sea

  • 1930s: Mother Leaky of Porlock, England, was still selling wind strings with knots


There were known sea witches selling wind in coastal towns across England: Sennen, St. Ives, Appledore, Lee, Lynton, Porlock.


What was actually happening (the anxiety management part):

Sailors had zero control over weather. Their survival depended entirely on wind conditions they couldn't predict or influence.


Buying a "wind charm" gave them:

  1. A concrete ritual to perform when they felt helpless

  2. The illusion of control in an uncontrollable situation

  3. Something to DO with their anxiety


The physical act of untying a knot = taking action = reducing anxiety. Whether the wind actually changed is irrelevant. The ritual worked psychologically, which was the whole point.


Read more:


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7. KNOT MAGIC COULD SUPPOSEDLY CAUSE IMPOTENCE (AND PEOPLE REALLY BELIEVED IT)


What actually happened:

It was widely believed that tying three or nine knots in a thread during someone's wedding ceremony while saying "Whom God hath joined together let the Devil separate" would render the groom impotent.


This was documented by astrologer Simon Forman in the early 17th century as an actual practice people did.


Because of this belief, knotted objects - garments, shoes, laces, ribbons - were forbidden at weddings. Brides would check their dresses, guests would check their clothing, and everyone was paranoid about knots.


Similarly, witches could supposedly prevent a woman from giving birth by secretly knotting her hair ribbons during labor.


Why this is bonkers:

People were SO convinced this worked that entire wedding traditions developed around avoiding knots. This wasn't fringe superstition - this was mainstream belief that influenced actual behavior.


What was actually happening (the psychosomatic effect part):

Here's the thing: if you genuinely believe someone cursed you to be impotent, guess what happens?


Performance anxiety is real. The nocebo effect (opposite of placebo) is real. If your brain is convinced you're cursed, your body responds accordingly.


The "curse" works because the victim believes it works. That's not magic - that's just how brains and bodies interact.


Read more:

  • Oxford Reference: knots

  • Ballad "Willie's Lady" (F. J. Child, English and Scottish Ballads, no. 6)

  • Iona Opie and Moira Tatem, A Dictionary of Superstitions (1989)


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8. ANCIENT BABYLONIANS USED KNOT MAGIC 4,000+ YEARS AGO


What actually happened:

A tablet from ancient Babylonia (currently in the British Museum) documents a healing spell involving knots plaited in cedar bark. This is over 4,000 years old.


Roman author Pliny the Elder claimed that wounds healed faster if bound with a "Hercules knot" - a specific type of knot believed to have magical healing properties.


Knot magic appears across completely different cultures throughout history: Babylonian, Roman, Celtic, Norse, Islamic, Chinese. It's one of the oldest documented magical practices in human history.


Why this is bonkers:

Knot magic predates most organized religions. It shows up independently in cultures that had zero contact with each other. This suggests something fundamental about human psychology and the need for ritual.


What was actually happening (the self-soothing part):


Tying knots is:

  • Repetitive

  • Rhythmic

  • Requires focus and fine motor control

  • Gives your hands something to do


All of these things are naturally calming to an anxious nervous system. It's the historical equivalent of fidget toys, worry stones, or stress balls.


Plus, physically binding a wound with clean cloth actually does help healing - even if the "magic knot" part is placebo. The practice worked for real medical reasons, people just attributed it to magic.


Read more:


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9. ONE MAN WAS KILLED BY "WITCH TESTING" IN 1863 (NOT THE 1600s)


What actually happened:

In 1863 - during the Industrial Revolution, when trains and telegraphs already existed - a drunken mob in England threw an elderly man (in his 80s) into a river to test if he was a witch.

The method: "swimming the witch." The belief was that witches would float (because water rejects evil) and innocent people would sink.


The shock of being thrown in the river killed him.


Why this is bonkers:

This happened in 1863. Not medieval times. Not even the 1600s during the height of witch hunts.


This was 7 years before the first transcontinental railroad was completed in America. Charles Darwin had already published On the Origin of Species. The Civil War had just ended.


And people were still killing suspected witches by throwing them in rivers.


What was actually happening (the moral panic part):

Witch beliefs persisted WAY longer than most people think - especially in rural areas where education and literacy rates were low and old superstitions held strong.


But more importantly: this shows how moral panic about "dangerous people" doesn't go away just because society gets more educated or technologically advanced.


The mechanisms are the same - just the targets change. Witches, communists, Satanic panic, "groomers," whatever. The pattern repeats.


Read more:


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10. "WITCH MARKS" WERE CARVED INTO BUILDINGS AS RITUAL PROTECTION (AND THEY'RE EVERYWHERE)


What actually happened:

From the 16th-18th centuries, people carved or burned protective symbols onto windows, doors, fireplaces, and other entry points to their homes. These weren't decorative - they were ritual protection against witches entering through "deviant paths" like chimneys.


Common symbols included:

  • Overlapping circles (vesica piscis)

  • "VV" marks (Virgin of Virgins - invoking Mary)

  • Daisy wheels (hexafoils)

  • Grids and mazes (to trap evil spirits)


Why this is bonkers:

Thousands of these marks have been found in old English buildings - especially around fireplaces, doors, and windows. They're so common in historic homes that they're basically the medieval equivalent of security system stickers.

People genuinely believed witches could sneak into houses through chimneys, so they carved protective symbols to block entry.


What was actually happening (the boundary setting part):

This is threshold protection - the belief that doorways, windows, and chimneys are vulnerable points where unwanted things can enter.


Carving a symbol into your doorframe is the historical equivalent of:

  • Locking your doors

  • Installing a security system

  • Putting up a "no trespassing" sign


It's boundary-setting. It's creating a sense of control over who/what has access to your space. It's making the invisible threat (witches, bad luck, evil spirits) into something you can physically address.


Read more:


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SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL THIS?


Historical witchcraft wasn't mystical. It was practical.


It was people trying to:

  • Process fear and grief

  • Create a sense of control in uncontrollable situations

  • Manage anxiety through ritual

  • Solve problems with the tools they had available

  • Run businesses that met real community needs


The "magic" was just the framework. The real work was psychological.


And honestly? That's way more interesting than pretending it was all about cosmic energy and moon goddesses.


Your ancestors weren't spiritually enlightened mystics. They were just humans trying to survive with the knowledge and resources they had - which sometimes included piss bottles, hallucinogenic ointments, and paying someone to eat sins off a corpse.


That's witchcraft. Practical, weird, deeply human witchcraft.


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Want more practical, no-bullshit witchcraft?


Browse 200+ free spells in the Spell Library (grounding, boundaries, anxiety relief, money calm, burnout recovery, and more): → app.edgeandaltar.com



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