Why Love Spells Don't Work (And What to Do Instead)

Let's talk about love spells—specifically, the kind designed to make a specific person fall for you, stay with you, or want you back.

You know the ones. "Get your ex back in 24 hours." "Make him obsessed with you." "Bind her to you forever."

They're all over witchcraft corners of the internet. They promise shortcuts to the thing most of us want desperately: to be chosen by the person we want.

Here's what you need to know: they don't work. And when they do seem to work, the results are worse than the loneliness you started with.

This isn't about judging anyone who's performed these spells or considered them. Most of us have been there—desperate, heartbroken, willing to try anything to make the unbearable feeling stop.

This is about understanding why manipulation-based love magic fails, what the real costs are, and what actually works when you want to manifest love in your life.

The Appeal Is Obvious

When you're in pain—after a breakup, during unrequited love, watching someone you want choose someone else—magic feels like the answer.

If you can manifest a job or money, why not love? If witchcraft can influence circumstances, why not this one?

The difference is consent.

You can cast a spell to attract career opportunities without violating anyone's autonomy.

Opportunities don't have feelings, preferences, or the right to choose differently than you want them to.

People do.

And that's where love spells—the manipulative kind—cross a line that creates problems far beyond ethics.

What "Love Spells" Actually Mean

Not all love magic is problematic. We need to distinguish between two very different approaches:

Manipulation-based spells (the problematic kind):

• Casting to make a specific person want you

• Binding someone to you against their will

• Using magic to change someone's feelings or override their choices

• Spells designed to create obsession, desire, or loyalty where it doesn't naturally exist

• "Get your ex back" spells targeting a specific person

  
  

Attraction-based spells (the ethical kind):

• Working on yourself to become more confident and magnetic

• Clearing internal blocks that keep you from healthy relationships

• Manifesting the right partner (without specifying who)

• Healing from past relationships

• Opening yourself to love when you're ready

  
  

The first category violates consent. The second doesn't.

The first tries to control another person. The second focuses on your own energy and readiness.

That distinction matters—practically and ethically.

Why Manipulation-Based Love Spells Don't Work

Even if you don't care about ethics (and you should, but let's set that aside), manipulation spells fail for practical reasons.

You Can't Create Genuine Feelings

Magic can influence energy, shift circumstances, open doors. But it can't manufacture authentic human emotion.

You can't spell someone into genuinely loving you if the chemistry isn't there, if your values don't align, if they're not in a place to be in relationship.

Any "success" from these spells is surface-level—temporary infatuation, manufactured desire, or the person showing up but remaining emotionally unavailable.

That's not love. That's a simulacrum of love. And it doesn't satisfy what you actually wanted.

The Spell Solves the Wrong Problem

When you're desperate to make someone love you, the real problem isn't that they don't love you.

The real problem is that you don't believe you're worthy of being chosen freely.

You're trying to force someone to see your value because you don't see it yourself. You're trying to avoid the pain of rejection by controlling the outcome.

But magic that bypasses your internal work just postpones the reckoning. You'll still feel unworthy. You'll still fear abandonment. You'll still need constant reassurance.

Except now you're also dealing with the knowledge that this person didn't choose you—you coerced them. On some level, you'll always know the relationship is built on manipulation, not genuine connection.

That breeds paranoia, insecurity, and resentment. In both of you.

What You Resist, Persists

Trying to force something that isn't naturally unfolding creates resistance.

Think about how you feel when someone tries to pressure or manipulate you. You pull away. You shut down. You resent the person trying to control you.

The same dynamic happens energetically with love spells. The more you try to force someone toward you, the more you push against the natural flow of relationship.

Even if the spell creates short-term results—they text you back, they agree to see you—the underlying resistance remains. And eventually, it surfaces.

The Aftermath Is Worse Than the Beginning

Let's say your spell "works." The person comes back, or starts pursuing you, or acts obsessed.

What happens next?

If the spell created artificial feelings, those feelings will eventually fade or break. When they do, the person often experiences it as a violation—realizing they were under some kind of influence they didn't consent to.

That breeds resentment, anger, and trauma. It damages both of you.

If the spell didn't create feelings but just manipulated circumstances (getting them to reach out, agree to a date, etc.), you're now in a relationship with someone who doesn't actually want to be there.

They might stay out of obligation, guilt, or confusion. But you'll always feel their absence—the part of them that never fully showed up because they didn't freely choose this.

You'll spend the relationship trying to earn what you tried to force. Anxiously watching for signs they might leave. Needing constant reassurance that you manufactured rather than earned.

That's not love. That's a prison you built for both of you.

The Ethical Problem (Which Is Also a Practical Problem)

Let's talk about consent.

If you wouldn't slip someone a drug to make them want you, you shouldn't cast a spell to achieve the same result.

Both override someone's ability to choose freely. Both treat another person as an object for your gratification rather than a human with autonomy.

"But I really love them" isn't justification. Love doesn't mean you get to control the other person. Love, actually, is the opposite of control.

Real love wants the other person to be free, even if that freedom means they choose someone else.

If you can't let them be free, what you're feeling isn't love—it's obsession, attachment, or the need to avoid the pain of loss.

And here's the practical reason ethics matter in magic: manipulation-based spells corrode your own integrity.

Every time you cast to override someone's will, you reinforce the belief that you're not worthy of being chosen freely. You tell yourself: I'm so unlovable that I have to force it.

That belief seeps into everything. It affects how you show up in relationships, how you value yourself, how you tolerate being treated.

Magic that violates others ultimately violates you.

What Actually Works: Attraction Magic

If manipulation spells don't work, what does?

Magic focused inward. Spells that work on you, not on someone else.

Self-Love and Worthiness Spells

The most powerful love magic you can perform is the kind that makes you genuinely believe you're worthy of love.

Not because you've earned it. Not because you've proven yourself. Just because you exist, and that's enough.

When you embody that belief, you show up differently. You stop tolerating breadcrumbs.

You recognize when someone isn't available. You don't chase people who aren't choosing you.

And people notice. Confidence—real confidence, not performance—is magnetic.

What this looks like:

• Mirror work affirming your worthiness

• Candle spells focused on self-acceptance

• Ritual baths releasing shame or past rejection

• Daily practice of treating yourself like someone you love

  
  

Healing and Release Work

Most of us carry baggage from past relationships—wounds that make us desperate, avoidant, or unavailable.

Magic that heals those wounds makes space for healthier dynamics.

What this looks like:

• Cord-cutting rituals to release energetic ties to exes

• Shadow work addressing your patterns in relationship

• Spells to release resentment, grief, or fear

• Journaling prompts exploring what you learned from past relationships

  
  

Clarity Spells

Often, we think we know what we want in a partner—but we're actually describing someone who will repeat our patterns or soothe our wounds temporarily.

Magic that brings clarity helps you identify what you actually need in relationship (not just what you think you want).

What this looks like:

• Meditation asking: "What do I need in a partner for my highest good?"

• Tarot or divination exploring your relationship patterns

• Writing lists of qualities in a partner that support your growth

• Spells for clarity before entering new relationships

  
  

Attraction Spells (The Right Way)

You can absolutely use magic to attract love—you just can't specify who.

The spell becomes: "I am open to a partner who is right for me, who chooses me freely, who is available and ready for relationship."

Not: "I want this specific person to want me."

What this looks like:

• Candle spells to attract your ideal match (without naming someone)

• Creating a vision board of relationship qualities you want

• Honey jar spells to attract sweetness into your life

• Rituals on new moons inviting new love

  
  

The difference? You're not controlling someone else. You're aligning your energy with the relationship that's meant for you and trusting that the right person will show up when you're both ready.

What About "Get Your Ex Back" Situations?

This is where people push back: "But what if we were good together? What if the breakup was a mistake? Can't I just... help them see that?"

Here's the hard truth: if it was right, you wouldn't need magic to make them come back.

If someone is meant to be in your life, they'll return of their own accord. If they're not meant to be there, trying to force it creates suffering for both of you.

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and for them—is let them go.

That doesn't mean you can't do magic around this. But the magic should focus on:

• Healing your grief

• Releasing attachment to a specific outcome

• Opening yourself to what's actually right for you (which might or might not be this person)

• Trusting that if it's meant to be, it will unfold without force

  
  

If you're doing magic to make them come back against their current choice, you're still trying to control them. And all the problems with manipulation spells still apply.

A Better Question Than "How Do I Make Them Love Me?"

Instead of asking, "How do I make this person want me?" ask:

"What do I need to heal so I'm ready for the love I want?"

"What patterns keep me choosing unavailable people?"

"What would it feel like to be chosen freely by someone who's right for me?"

"How can I become the kind of person who attracts healthy, reciprocal love?"

These questions lead to magic that actually transforms your life.

Magic that makes you more whole, not more desperate. Magic that opens doors instead of trying to break them down.

If You've Already Cast a Manipulative Spell

If you're reading this and realizing you've already performed a spell to control someone, here's what to do:

1. Release the spell

Perform a reversal or release ritual. Light a candle and state clearly:

"I release [person's name] from any influence I have tried to place on them. I free them to choose according to their own will. I release my attachment to controlling this outcome."

2. Do shadow work

Examine what drove you to the spell. What were you afraid of? What wound were you trying to avoid feeling?

3. Focus on yourself

Redirect that energy inward. Work on healing, worthiness, and clarity.

4. Apologize (if appropriate)

If the person knows about the spell and feels violated, apologize genuinely. Don't center yourself or make excuses. Just acknowledge the harm and commit to not doing it again.

5. Learn and move forward

You're not a bad person for having done this. You were in pain and looking for relief. Now you know better, so you can do better.

The Truth About Love and Magic

Real love can't be forced. It can't be manufactured. It can't be controlled.

That's actually what makes it valuable.

If you could spell someone into loving you, their love wouldn't mean anything. It would just be a reflection of your will, not their genuine choice.

What you actually want—to be seen, chosen, valued—requires the other person's freedom.

Which means the magic that serves you isn't the kind that controls them. It's the kind that makes you ready to receive love when it shows up freely.

That's harder. It requires patience, self-work, and the willingness to be vulnerable.

But it's the only kind of magic that creates relationships worth having.

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